Thursday, 1 May 2014

Old Queen Meets New Popeye

QE2 + Popeye Outside Olive Oyl's Cottage
wiv apologies to, erm... David Bailey

A Sock Puppet Exclusive

Reports that Her Majesty The Queen had “been in to see the new Popeye” had been circulating within the Circle Line since the end of Lent. The Sock Puppet, speaking on a party line, managed to track down Ms Windsor and here is a transcript of the royal convo...

HMQ: Good mawning, Buckingham Palace, how can one help you?

TSP: G'day, Yer Royal Madge, it's the old Sock Puppet here...

HMQ: Sooo naice of you to cawl...

TSP: Etcetera, etcetera... flipping heck... the clocks running at five hundred quid a minute... Nah wot's all this about you going in to to see the new man in the white sailor-suit?

HMQ: Mr Popeye? Simply charming fellow! Weed been meaning to drorp in on him for yaarz.

TSP: So where did this historic investiture take place?

HMQ: Wee believe it was in the home of his long term companion, a Ms Olive Oyl. They share a charming cottage, just this side of the tracks, one believes the saying goes.

TSP: Gosh, that musta been an adventure for yuz. Was yer old fellah to hand?

HMQ: Philip Duke of Edinburgh? He did put in an appearance, yaas.

TSP: Drove you there in the old Coach & Six?

HMQ: We really don't recall.

TSP: Did Ms Oyl offer yuz owt in the way of a bevvy? I don't suppose there was any scones, wot? How about the hot apple pie with the old melted cheese?

HMQ: Delicious! We hev always been partial to American delicacies.

TSP: I take it there woz the traditional exchange of graft?

HMQ: If you are referring to the pyramid of tinned spinach in the place yard, yaas there was a spot of gifting in the air.

TSP: Wot did you give in return?

HMQ: We believe a solid gold briar was involved.

TSP: Quite the practical momento. But it's generally thought your royal madge was strictly Walt Disney?

HMQ: Hmm, these days one has to have catholic tastes in one's job. One meets so many different characters.

TSP: So one would say one was amused, would one?

HMQ: Upon our word we would!

TSP: Any what if old Johnny Newshound should get hold of the story?

HMQ: We should have him sent over to the Tower dog house!

TSP: So who's next for the Royal vulture-swoop? Alf Garnett? Andy Capp?

HMQ: We shall tell you whom we hev always longed to visit...

TSP: Not Steptoe & Son's is it? The blooming Royale family?

HMQ: What ghastly thoughts! No, it would be to Christopher Robin's haice. We would SO like to be introduced to his friend Mr Bear.

TSP: To young Christopher Robin's place? Well, that would make a change for the guards. I suppose Alice would have to be in on it?

HMG: One dares say she would.

TSP, Thank you Ma'am for your kind condescension in speaking to one as lowly as I.

HMQ: Oh don't mention it, you old footster. Just be a good fellow and let us hang up first...


TSP: She's gone, bless 'er 'art. Spose it'll be orf wiv me big toe if I publish this?

Ed: Nah, go on! Love it, doan they? Probaly a new set of garters in it for yuh.
Sock Puppeteer
never dorf!

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