Sunday, 1 January 2017

these lies are true

by TS Idiot

trumped-up round-up

divorcees reconciled during
first nude attempt on Everest

workers on Pacific tunnel
eat lead in Mariana Trench

snowflakes found on Venusian moon
not fake though out of sell-by date

Brexit menu signed by Farage
finds no bidders at Sotherbys

Dem Libs merger with UKIP goes
live on Black & White Minstrel Show

mad dog appointed United
States Secretary of Defence

& Europe awards fried Mars Bar
controlled appellation status

let nothing ye dismay

should Christians take it lying down
or hanging up for all to see
god rest ye merry gentlemen

go carol singing round the town
or voice dissent on live TV
god rest ye merry gentlemen

should Christians wear judgemental frowns
or smile in bland hypocrisy
god rest ye merry gentlemen

for shame should Christians play the clown
& hang out round the Christmas tree
god rest ye merry gentlemen

or swop their scarlet caps & gowns
for plastic bags like refugees
god rest ye merry gentlemen

alt empire

as the Democracy Show goes into
its millennial season who else but
Boris is chortling over Winston's grave

hand out the Victory Scotch & cigars
grill some of that fat Welsh rabbit
& while you're at it stick Irish online

git the owl gang round the Brexit table
kick your shoes off boys time to celebrate
& let the whole world know the search is on

for stars anyone willing & able
to make with the lingo can do just great
from Skid Row to the Mars Hotel kiddo

this here's yr chance to stand up to the crease
show the good folks the state of your Plato

though seriously folks

what isn't cricket Gunga Din
ain't the colour of your foreskin
but of the team you supporting

for in the words of Fu Manchu
Confucius met his Waterloo
on the back route to Kathmandu

hauling that South American
dreamboat up the magic mountain
took more than lateral thinking

yr grandma knows how to tango
& decode calls made in bingo
halls by sheiks like Ali Bongo

but you'll only get the rules of the game
when your coat is on & you've left the room

a cheap petty Osiris

CPO Gadfly was no more Arab
than Mr Trump a card-carrying scab
neither had their nobs robbed by a scarab

old Gads was in fact on a hush-hush job
when he came neck-to-neck with a carob
tree whose juice those days would rush you ten bob

switching from Judas to Colonel Cobweb
he took out a dealership in Red Leb
to Mick & the Stones he was known as Zeb

while the real Zebedee strummed in a club
he troubadoured to Bombay flogging dub
reggae but got throttled in the hubbub

which was how Gadafy twigged the whole fib
painting his own as the true face of lib

not the last trump!


  1. Philip, you are a hoot! Thanks for the fun.

  2. My resolution for 2017.
    Make PEACE WITH EVERYONE. MAY THE USA stop fighting everybody's war and look after her homeless, poor and starving, and for God's sake raise your darn minimum ridiculous wage to $15.00. God Obama! you did squat during your 8 years in Office. One would think you would help the blacks but you disappoint them. You have left no LEGACY. Stop blaming the Russians and Putin. How come with all your sophisticated technology you can't develop a strategy to block others from hacking in to your system. America should be ashamed to admit to this. It shows your people have failed. They spent too much time talking trash as DONE DAILY in the CNN and bad mouthing TRUMP. DONALD TRUMP WILL MAKE AMERICA BETTER AGAIN.!

    1. I really don't want to start an argument, but I would recommend you look up the stats from the start of Obama's terms/end of Bush's terms to the end of Obama's terms. It's actually pretty impressive how much he's done for this country.

  3. "They say that half the lies he tells you are not true."
    from Glorious Fool by John Martyn, a song he wrote about President Ronald Reagan. A line that could refer to any politician, not just President Donald Trump. It is always refreshing to read your poems as you have found your own voice and unique style.

    1. Thanks, Philip. John Martyn was a great growler, very musical too. It's a shame he died so young. I guess all that gravel in his voice had to come from some serious smoking & drinking.


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