return of the Jed
he chain-smoked Camel cigarettes
and hammered nails in planks - John Prine
never underestimate the right
shame those rebels had to fight but shucks
Lincoln won the war his battle cry
everyone sucks
pebbles when there’s nothing left to eat
better tasting than the bite of dust
grass is blue not green but fades to gray
everyone says
Scarlet had an awful pretty mouth
Mason Dixon never drew such lines
one thing they agreed on North & South
everyone lies
mould’ring in the grave eventually
makes you think what all the fuss is for
dueling mojos in uncivil war
everyone freeze
singing death’s a tricky learning curve
steers the living thru a stormy night
there to find their inner Jed & serve
everyone right
Sicilian attack
'nother question H
not how fair your baby’s but
if she’s fit to serve
bowling broke the mould
one more game like that the crown's
bust a royal flush
Hollywood’s your best
bet at Gotham cricket club
exiles roll the roast
Sunday headlines just
grab them like an Osbourne bites
chickens by the head
raise your standards St
Lawrence side then cross the pond
land in Donegal
march from Holyhead
hordes will join your colours straight
down Watling Street
should there be a bun
fight this end of Ponders End
call the Irish Scots
let the Windsors flee
France will take them on the mace
lose it in the Wash
Privy Councillors
grant the best apprenticeships
Alan Sugar style
call in Trump he’s got
time before the Jed has quit
loves to pimp & pomp
over there or here
everywhere you got it made
Oprah's song of praise
just one minor point
giving Rolf his extra leg
back that would be crass
glorious twelfth grouse
pipers worse for pints
drummers on their seventh shot
marching out of step
sure they’re not a patch
if all Ireland had to match
McNamara’s band
but the music fits
even drunken Oiks about
get away with it
Archilochus crowed
hoarse & coarse above the flutes
yet his din was sound
like a pound of gold
so these men in motley suits
do their neighbours proud
’prentice boys & free
masons Presbyterians
gents in bowler hats
Londonderry lads
token lassies but no kilts
Scottish Irish pure
British to the core
bulldog drumming as to war
whistling youths on stilts
he back
trailing bankrupt congressmen here comes
your abstaining president the cast
former wrestling champions make-up girls
fixers in tights
Dixie Nix from Alimony’s up
Pierce Dears of the jet ski cops
all the cast & crew of Raths & Prince
Andrew for laughs
not to mention Pandemonium
Lil who rumour says removed his heart
swopped it for some rocks she smoked him hard
Candy the Cook
tho his operation’s kinda slim
in the Intromission songs were cut
like an Irish wake without the drink
nothing gets lost
don’t believe this pension crap he’s fit
has a round of golf for breakfast grits
ham with brownies maple sauce & blues
no Quaaludes
Jed was back in diapers by his age
strong as possum cooked in Granny’s boots
striking gold left right & centre fold
long as a shlong
well I guess that’s it for now but hills
bills next time you folks be passing thru
mind you wear clean petticoats & call
in on us now
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#dontpardonme! |
